Happy ICLW!!!

I'm excited it's ICLW!  I'm again a little late.  Not AF late, but posting late. We're two days into ICLW, and I'm just now writing. We've had so much happen in the past few weeks, that I haven't found the time to write.

Welcome to my blog!  Mucho gusto :)

Here's a little bit about our current TTC roller-coaster.

We're 20-month experts on the thing called 'baby dancing'... Ha... We met a fabulous RE in January, and he has done a series of test - including blood work and a saline infused sonography. On my saline infused sonography he saw something that he found alarming. Dr. B suspected Asherman's Syndrome (scar tissue) in my uterus.  He sent me to a specialist to get a Hysteroscopy a few weeks ago. (It actually wasn't too bad. At least not as painful as the HSG).  At the Hysteroscopy, the doc took a few pictures and within a few minutes she revealed that there was no scar tissue to be found! What?!?! Ghost scar tissue? I have no idea how it just disappeared.  Maybe the wheatgrass? Maybe the prayers? Probably both. I don't know.

DH and I were glad to find out that all is well with my uterus. Now we're back to square 'uno' and trying to figure out square 'dos'.  It's like the game of Twister.  Our bodies have to undergo so much testing and most time requires a little maneuvering.  We have to maneuver every.single.part of our life to try to find a baby at the end of this frustrating game.  Will it be next cycle?

DH's 3rd semen analysis came back okay.  Again, not fantastic, but average. Count was great, motility could be better. We're thinking about doing an unmedicated IUI sometime in the next few months.  If that doesn't work, square 'tres' will be a medicated IUI.  If that doesn't work, well, we'll see...

We timed BD this month.  Everything looked great - weather (cm), and everything else ;).  I'm currently 10 dpo.  I still haven't tested.  On 5 and 6 dpo I felt some cramping and twinges.  I almost had a little party, but then checked myself back to reality.  I want to be hopeful, but I don't want to get my hopes up because it just hurts too much to be disappointed yet again.  I haven't had any other symptoms besides the ones on those two days.

Either way, we keep on chugging.  I'm giving my uterus a little pep talk right now - my new nickname for my 'u' is the 'little uterus that could.' After all the test and intrusive examinations, she's still chugging along working like she's supposed to... well, besides not being able to house a little embryo, but I'm not gonna hold it against her.  At least not this time.

We'll be there some day. Oh shucks, here I go being hopeful again. It's a roller-coaster.

Good luck to all of you!  I hope I have time to visit new blogs this week.  I really want to get to know more of you awesome ladies... and gents.

Versatile Blogger

Both Stress Free Infertility and C awarded me The Versatile Blogger award several weeks ago, but I didn't get a chance to write a post because of what my hometown has endured recently. I know I'm super late (almost time for May ICLW), but here it is...

The rules:

1. Link back to the person who gave you the award

Stress Free Infertility and C

Thank you both! I am truly honored.

2. Tell 7 things about yourself

1. I hate chewing gum

2. I'm terrified of heights

3. I've lived in 3 countries

4. I don't like fast food and I love to cook!

5. I become "cleaning insane lady" a few days before AF arrives

6. I love reality TV.  I watch all kinds of mindless shows. Makes me feel better about my life.

7. I didn't like onions until a few years ago. I now love grilled onions!

3. Award other bloggers - The Versatile Blogger award is for 15 'recently discovered bloggers'  - I chose 14

Blogs I discovered during April ICLW are:

1. CD1 again - http://cd1again.blogspot.com/

2. Misconceptions About Conception - http://conceptionmisconceptions.blogspot.com

3. My daily mooosings in the Netherlands http://mydailymooosingsinthenetherlands.blogspot.com/

4. Somewhere In The Middle - http://somewhereinthemiddlewithyou.blogspot.com/

5. From Ms. to Mrs.... & back to Ms. - http://mstomrs.blogspot.com/

6. Chasing Our Stork: Our Journey with Infertility - http://chasingourstork.blogspot.com/

7. Baby Hopes - http://chasingourstork.blogspot.com/

8. I Want to be a Daddy - http://iwanttobeadaddy.blogspot.com/

9. Rochelle at For all the things we hope for - http://simplyrochelle.blogspot.com/

10. Poor Lucky Me -  http://www.poorluckyme.com/blog/

11. The Bushey Life - http://www.thebusheylife.com/

12. The Inadequate Conception - http://theinadequateconception.blogspot.com

13. Waiting for Stork - http://waitingforstork.blogspot.com/

14. The Great Big IF @ http://www.dochaschronicles.blogspot.com/

I look forward to following each and every blog.  Good luck to all!

Happy early May ICLW!

Hanging on to Faith

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

I hope to one day become a mother.  I cannot predict when this will happen for me - I can't see it.  Yet I hang on to that hope.  I am certain that one day I will see it happen.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and to those that hope to be mothers.

CD1 and I don't care... just happy to be alive.

I have a new perspective after the tornado ravaged my city on Wednesday, April 27, 2011, destroying buildings, homes, and lives. 

Today, I am not dwelling on the fact that I suffer from infertility.

Today, I am glad to be alive.  

I've been busy the past few days giving my all to my city.  I've volunteered to help collect and distribute donations of food, water, flashlights, toiletries, baby items, etc.  Basic essentials that we all tend to take for granted. I wish I could do more. I wish I could comfort those that lost children, parents, grandparents, and friends. I offer hugs, but I know that they won't bring back the people that were lost.  And it hurts.

I am in total disbelief that God spared my life.  The tornado that hit Tuscaloosa, was predicted to hit where I live, but instead took a turn, and touched down about 1/2 mile from our home.  I just can't believe that we have absolutely no damage, when others have lost all of their belongings. Every.single.thing they own. Some didn't even have shoes on, but you could tell that they were just thankful to be alive. To be breathing.  

Babies were torn from the arms of their mothers.  Other children have lost both parents and are now orphans. It breaks my heart to the core. I can't imagine. 

I'm still in shock. I've been a total zombie for days.

So far, all of my friends and family members have been accounted for.

I praise the Lord for his devine protection!

Prayers for Tucaloosa, Alabama

I'm currently in Tuscaloosa, Alabama (my hometown), and the devastation is horrific.  My dogs and I were in a safe place when the tornado hit yesterday afternoon.  DH is out of town for business.

Please keep family and friends in your thoughts and prayers. Many have been affected. 36 people have been confirmed dead in our town so far.

Here's a video of the tornado.

Today I felt the Joy for my unborn niece ... mi sobrina preciosa

A few days ago we found out that my little sister is going to have a little girl.

I will admit that when I heard the news that she was expecting (early this year), my first reaction was sadness.  It was not fair.  She's three years younger than me, had only been married for seven months, and wasn't planning on conceiving.

I had endured multiple - I mean a plethora - of intrusive exams for the past year.  The day before I found out about her baby, my DH and I had our first RE visit.  I was feeling optimistic about our next steps and feeling hopeful that we were close to finding answers. That excitement ended with that phone call.

It was a call I sort of dreaded.  I didn't think it would happen this soon. I didn't think it would be this way.  It felt like a huge punch in the stomach.

After the sadness subsided, I thought about my baby sister. I remember when she was born.  I remember holding her as an infant.  I was only just over three years old, but I remember feeling this strong love for her.  I remember thinking (in my three year old mind): "I am going to teach her everything I know.  I am going to protect her.  She is my sister and I will be a good friend and big sister to her."  Now there is a tiny baby growing inside of her.  And I am happy.

It took me a while to get to that point.  I cried and I cried. Then I cried because I felt guilty about crying. But the joy did come.  I still feel sadness, but not for her.  I feel sadness for us.  I've helped guide her through many things in life - her 1st day of kindergarten, fixed her ponytails for picture day, taught her how to ride a bike, held her hand on our walk to school, gave her advice when she experienced a broken heart ... and stood by her side as she married her incredible husband.

This time around, she will be a mother before I will.  Motherhood is not something that I know. I will not be able to guide her through her pregnancy or give her advice on what to do when the baby is born.  It hurts me that I can't do that.  This time she will have to teach me.  She will have to guide me.  I've taken a backseat and I feel a little defeated.

But today was different. Today, I felt the joy.  As I walked by the baby section of a department store, I saw a tiny little outfit with the imprint "My Auntie Loves Me".  I felt it right there - I felt joy for my niece.

My niece will be the first baby in our family (1st grandchild for my parents) and already she is loved more than she will ever know.  I look forward to holding her in my arms and telling her that she is loved by her Auntie.

To my sweet little niece: You have already changed my life, and I thank you for that.

Welcome to ICLW!

If you are stopping by for the first time via ICLW, welcome!  I'm trying my best to be better about posting on here, but don't seem to have much time in the past few weeks.

You can check out our TTC Timeline in the 2nd tab above.

Here are our current stats:
Married 4 years, 4 months. Trying to have a baby for almost two years (20 cycles to be exact).  I have fairly regular cycles and DH has okay swimmers.  I would say he got an 'A' on his recent SA.  Morphology is not the greatest, but also not of much concern to our RE.

We visited a fertility clinic in the South (of the USofA), where we are from, last year.  I wasn't very impressed with the care I received and therefore didn't want to pursue treatments with this particular clinic.  We moved to New England (MA) late last year (woohoo, we love it!), and we were very excited about more options for IF care.  In January 2011 we met with an amazing RE.  He scheduled a Saline Infused Sonography, and found scar tissue on the right side of my uterus.  I was very excited to finally have a possible explanation for our unexplained infertility.  Scar tissue could be the cause of our problems in trying to make a baby, as it prevents implantation.

So here we are, playing the waiting game once again.  I'm scheduled for my Hysteroscopy in a few weeks, and hopefully we'll be one step closer to creating life.

Happy ICLW my fellow IF bleeps!  I'm so glad to have you all as cheerleaders and race-to-baby buddies.