Hope for FET

I've had a hard time lately trying to think of what to write. Sometimes I feel like if I don't talk about something that I'm constantly thinking about - something big, something important to me - that maybe it will come true or be fulfilled. Does that sound weird? That perhaps I'll jinx it if I talk about it too much. I'm not sure. I like to try to put it in the back of my mind in case things don't turn out the way I hope they will.

We are here. In FET land now. This time around our health insurance sucks and we will have to pay for most of it out-of-pocket. Including medicines, ultrasounds, blood work, airfare (Texas to Massachusetts), lodging, rental car, and food - the total comes out to about $5,500 (USD). That's a lot of money for us right now.  I know it's still not as much as a fresh IVF cycle would have cost (maybe around $15,000), but $5k in one month is a ton! Last time, our insurance paid for ALL of it. We were so fortunate.  So, as a family, we've decided that I would go alone. My DH will stay home with our toddler (almost 20 months old, IVF miracle) and I will head to Boston for the FET. At first I was sad and upset about having to go alone, but now I'm thinking it will be a great opportunity to relax and have some time to myself. I have never left my son overnight since he was born. Can you believe it?! I think it'll end up being okay.

Thankfully there are no shots involved this time. Only the estrogen meds - Estrace and Vivelle Dop (patch). It seems pretty low key compared to all the shots and prep that IVF required. Today is CD16 and I've been on the meds since CD2. The only major side effect I've had was total lack of motivation the first week. I only wanted to sit on the couch and watch TV, which is terrible considering my son is with me all day. Things have gotten better though, and I've actually gotten over that hump.

I have an u/s and b/w next week to determine if my lining has reached the acceptable degree for FET, and then five days later we will do the transfer. For my IVF, we transferred two 3-day embryos on CD 16, this time it will be one 5-day embryo (the only one we have) on CD26. I'm a little worried about the timing, but the nurse assured me that they've done transfers that late in a cycle before. I'll start progesterone suppositories (Crinone) the day of the u/s depending on if my lining has reached a good point. I bought refundable plane tickets in case the FET has to be cancelled or changed. Hoping that won't be the case.

So that's where I am right now. Trying really hard to hold on to hope, but also don't want to get my hopes up in case it doesn't work out. This is our last and only shot at another baby. Things could change in a few years, but right now we can't afford another round of IVF and I don't think I'm strong enough emotionally to go through another retrieval. That, of course, is what I say now. But I also know that things could change...