In mid-November we started treatments for our 2nd IUI. We had 3 follicles: two were 14mm, and one was about 11mm (not great), but the RE expected them to grow a little more before the IUI two days after the scan.
The IUI was once again uneventful, quick and easy. However, I felt different than the first time. During my 2WW I didn't feel anything - no twinges, no queasiness... nothing at all. After my first IUI, I had lots of symptoms, so I wasn't feeling optimistic this time, but still had a *twinge* of hope.
I decided to POAS on 10dpiui. It was a BFN.
Then AF arrived two days later. I cried just a little and then moved on...
Now we're headed to our 3rd IUI. Our last one for the year.
Fingers and toes are crossed and prayers are lifted up that maybe our Christmas will be greeted with news of a baby, but I'm being cautious with my emotions this time. IF is cruel and suddenly I've noticed that sometimes I stop myself from dreaming...
Monday, November 21, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sweet October, turned bitter...
I hoped and prayed that #26 would be the lucky one. That in October we would have some great things happen, in particular, that we would become pregnant. In the end, that wasn't the case, and I'm sitting in my pajamas, as I have been all day, trying to stop the tears from flowing.
This past Friday was 10 dpiui and I was feeling hopeful. I had felt a few symptoms: tired, growing breasts, queazy, and brownish spotting. When I first saw the brownish/pinkish spotting, I was alarmed, but then read that it's normal during implantation, so I thought everything was going well. I had a little more spotting on Saturday, but not much. I hung on to the hope and I imagined a little tiny ball of cells implanting in my uterus and one day becoming our baby.
I felt tempted to take a HPT, but I was scared and couldn't bare to see that lonely line yet again. I decided I would wait until at least 13 dpiui, and find out before my blood test on Tuesday.
This morning, Sunday (12 dpiui), I woke up with AF-like cramps and a terrible headache. I thought this was just part of the implanting still going on. A few hours after awakening, I saw the blood. The oh-so familiar AF blood! Still kind of in denial, I convinced myself it was implantation spotting.
However, it soon proved to be indeed AF's arrival. At CD22.
I told Mr. A. He was in shock too, but didn't say anything. I got back in my pajamas and cried myself into a mid-morning nap...
We had planned on going out to dinner with some friends tonight. I've cried most of the day, so as you can imagine, I have puffy eyes and look like crap. Also, one of the gals that will be there just happens to be pregnant, therefore, I wasn't up to talking to her or asking her about her pregnancy. She's not a close friend, so I don't feel bad for backing out. I told Mr. A that he should still go. He went, but before going he brought me some chocolate and mint oreo ice cream. His sweetness made me cry all over again.
Here I am - back to CD1. I still have to go in on Tuesday for a blood test - I suppose to be completely sure I'm not pregnant. I'm not sure what happens from there. I don't know if my RE will let me go on to the next cycle with Gon.al-F, maybe with a higher dosage. We'll see what he says tomorrow.
Hope I'll feel better and more optimistic in the next few days, but right now, I'm still in my pajamas and still crying...
This past Friday was 10 dpiui and I was feeling hopeful. I had felt a few symptoms: tired, growing breasts, queazy, and brownish spotting. When I first saw the brownish/pinkish spotting, I was alarmed, but then read that it's normal during implantation, so I thought everything was going well. I had a little more spotting on Saturday, but not much. I hung on to the hope and I imagined a little tiny ball of cells implanting in my uterus and one day becoming our baby.
I felt tempted to take a HPT, but I was scared and couldn't bare to see that lonely line yet again. I decided I would wait until at least 13 dpiui, and find out before my blood test on Tuesday.
This morning, Sunday (12 dpiui), I woke up with AF-like cramps and a terrible headache. I thought this was just part of the implanting still going on. A few hours after awakening, I saw the blood. The oh-so familiar AF blood! Still kind of in denial, I convinced myself it was implantation spotting.
However, it soon proved to be indeed AF's arrival. At CD22.
I told Mr. A. He was in shock too, but didn't say anything. I got back in my pajamas and cried myself into a mid-morning nap...
We had planned on going out to dinner with some friends tonight. I've cried most of the day, so as you can imagine, I have puffy eyes and look like crap. Also, one of the gals that will be there just happens to be pregnant, therefore, I wasn't up to talking to her or asking her about her pregnancy. She's not a close friend, so I don't feel bad for backing out. I told Mr. A that he should still go. He went, but before going he brought me some chocolate and mint oreo ice cream. His sweetness made me cry all over again.
Here I am - back to CD1. I still have to go in on Tuesday for a blood test - I suppose to be completely sure I'm not pregnant. I'm not sure what happens from there. I don't know if my RE will let me go on to the next cycle with Gon.al-F, maybe with a higher dosage. We'll see what he says tomorrow.
Hope I'll feel better and more optimistic in the next few days, but right now, I'm still in my pajamas and still crying...
Friday, October 21, 2011
Happy October ICLW!
I've skipped out on a few ICLWs because of all the chaos that August and September brought to my life. In September, I couldn't stop singing the song by Green Day "Wake me up when September ends."
Needless to say, I'm glad it's October.
Check out our long TTC Timeline.
Currently I'm in the 2WW after our very first IUI. I'm 3dpiui. CD 2-7 I gave myself Gon.al-F injections, CD 8 Ovid.rel shot, and CD 10 was our IUI. (I was monitored by my doctor - ultrasound and blood work on CD 6 and CD 8).
The morning of our IUI, both Mr. A and I were very nervous. We decided to wake up three hours before we were scheduled to be at the clinic in order to have breakfast, shower, give DH enough time to provide the goods in a cup, and prepare ourselves mentally for what could be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. Poor DH wasn't very excited about having to provide his semen sample so early in the morning. I kept reminding him of ALL the procedures I've had and how embarrassing it has been for me to allow so many different doctors and nurses see my privates. Don't know if that was encouraging or just sad...
We arrived at the clinic an hour before the scheduled IUI. The lab tech took DH's spermies. It took about 45 minutes for the semen to be washed and prepared for the IUI. After that, we were called to a room, and I was prepared for the IUI. Within about 5 minutes the whole thing was done! I felt a little cramping when the nurse injected the semen into my uterus, but overall it was the least painful procedure I've ever had. Mr. A dropped me off at home before heading to work, and I got to spend the rest of the day resting and watching TV :)
I couldn't believe how easy and uneventful the whole thing was. The nurse scheduled a blood test in about 14 days. So, now we wait...
The days since the IUI have been the longest 3 days. Each day I keep thinking I have one symptom or another. I don't know if I just have high hopes (which is good, right?) or if it's all in my head.
We're hoping October turns out to be a great month :)... praying it will be.
Happy ICLW!
Needless to say, I'm glad it's October.
Check out our long TTC Timeline.
Currently I'm in the 2WW after our very first IUI. I'm 3dpiui. CD 2-7 I gave myself Gon.al-F injections, CD 8 Ovid.rel shot, and CD 10 was our IUI. (I was monitored by my doctor - ultrasound and blood work on CD 6 and CD 8).
The morning of our IUI, both Mr. A and I were very nervous. We decided to wake up three hours before we were scheduled to be at the clinic in order to have breakfast, shower, give DH enough time to provide the goods in a cup, and prepare ourselves mentally for what could be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. Poor DH wasn't very excited about having to provide his semen sample so early in the morning. I kept reminding him of ALL the procedures I've had and how embarrassing it has been for me to allow so many different doctors and nurses see my privates. Don't know if that was encouraging or just sad...
We arrived at the clinic an hour before the scheduled IUI. The lab tech took DH's spermies. It took about 45 minutes for the semen to be washed and prepared for the IUI. After that, we were called to a room, and I was prepared for the IUI. Within about 5 minutes the whole thing was done! I felt a little cramping when the nurse injected the semen into my uterus, but overall it was the least painful procedure I've ever had. Mr. A dropped me off at home before heading to work, and I got to spend the rest of the day resting and watching TV :)
I couldn't believe how easy and uneventful the whole thing was. The nurse scheduled a blood test in about 14 days. So, now we wait...
The days since the IUI have been the longest 3 days. Each day I keep thinking I have one symptom or another. I don't know if I just have high hopes (which is good, right?) or if it's all in my head.
We're hoping October turns out to be a great month :)... praying it will be.
Happy ICLW!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Sweet October: Will 26 be the lucky number?
I'm back! Sorry for the long absence.
Life has spun in several directions for us lately. August and September brought many trials our way.
We're hoping Sweet October will make us forget about all the terrible things that have happened this year.
Well, we're here, cycle #26.
We've come to the point in this journey where we feel one step closer to having a baby. On October 10th, I started my Gonal-F injections. A few months ago, I was terrified of giving myself shots, but this time, I couldn't get my hands on some GF fast enough!
I celebrated when AF arrived, in her predictable and timely fashion. I watched the online videos and followed along as I jabbed my abdomen in a dart like fashion with that needle, injected the medication and held the needle there for 5 seconds, as instructed. It wasn't bad at all!
I will give myself the last shot tomorrow night and then will go in for blood work on Friday morning. From there, I'll be advised on when to give myself the Ovidrel shot (to induce ovulation), and then we'll be scheduled for our very first IUI! I'm guessing it will be sometime next Tuesday or Wednesday.
We're grateful that we're finally here. Finally on the fertility-treatment-road. After 25 cycles of heartbreak and sadness, we're praying that this one is the one. That at the end of Sweet October, we'll finally see our very first BFP.
Praying.
Life has spun in several directions for us lately. August and September brought many trials our way.
- Our sweet dog died.
- DH got a HUGE pay cut from his job. (I'm currently looking for a better paying job to help pay our bills). Apparently, Stress is our new roommate.
- My pap smear and colposcopy were abnormal, so I had to have LEEP surgery, which was painful and postponed treatments.
- More pregnancy announcements from close friends that weren't TTC, one could have even been on the show 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant'... (cue eyes rolling)...
- I turn 30 and I'm not happy about it. Don't necessarily feel my best. We don't have the money right now to do anything extravagant, so it ended up being a low-key dinner with friends. Memorable, but not what I was hoping for my 30th birthday.
We're hoping Sweet October will make us forget about all the terrible things that have happened this year.
Well, we're here, cycle #26.
We've come to the point in this journey where we feel one step closer to having a baby. On October 10th, I started my Gonal-F injections. A few months ago, I was terrified of giving myself shots, but this time, I couldn't get my hands on some GF fast enough!
I celebrated when AF arrived, in her predictable and timely fashion. I watched the online videos and followed along as I jabbed my abdomen in a dart like fashion with that needle, injected the medication and held the needle there for 5 seconds, as instructed. It wasn't bad at all!
I will give myself the last shot tomorrow night and then will go in for blood work on Friday morning. From there, I'll be advised on when to give myself the Ovidrel shot (to induce ovulation), and then we'll be scheduled for our very first IUI! I'm guessing it will be sometime next Tuesday or Wednesday.
We're grateful that we're finally here. Finally on the fertility-treatment-road. After 25 cycles of heartbreak and sadness, we're praying that this one is the one. That at the end of Sweet October, we'll finally see our very first BFP.
Praying.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
In mourning...
I just realized I missed the entire week of ICLW...
It's been a pretty tough week... month... year... for us.
Our sweet doggie died last week. We miss her very much and think about her everyday. My DH and I have been extremely sad :(
On the TTC front, our treatments have been delayed once again. Surprise, surprise! My colposcopy showed moderate dysplasia, therefore I need to have LEEP surgery to remove the abnormal cells.
Due to my OB-GYN's busy schedule, my LEEP surgery will be in a few weeks, around CD21. She said recovery will be a couple weeks, and she recommends we wait at least a month before starting fertility treatments. Which means, not next month, but the following. So, here we are once again, playing the waiting game...
I've had it rough this year, but I do appreciate all the sweet, encouraging and thoughtful comments. They really do wonders to lift the spirit. Thank you!
It's been a pretty tough week... month... year... for us.
Our sweet doggie died last week. We miss her very much and think about her everyday. My DH and I have been extremely sad :(
On the TTC front, our treatments have been delayed once again. Surprise, surprise! My colposcopy showed moderate dysplasia, therefore I need to have LEEP surgery to remove the abnormal cells.
Due to my OB-GYN's busy schedule, my LEEP surgery will be in a few weeks, around CD21. She said recovery will be a couple weeks, and she recommends we wait at least a month before starting fertility treatments. Which means, not next month, but the following. So, here we are once again, playing the waiting game...
I've had it rough this year, but I do appreciate all the sweet, encouraging and thoughtful comments. They really do wonders to lift the spirit. Thank you!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
"The Little Uterus That Could"... apparently can't
Well, it seems like I only write during ICLW. Signing up for it motivates me to write, otherwise I would probably slack off even more.
Here is a list of excuses for not writing lately:
1. We moved... again
2. One of my dogs has been really sick. We're just trying to keep her alive at the moment. It breaks my heart.
3. Access to internet was scarce
4. Lack of motivation
Lately, things have basically.... well, sucked! I've been really depressed about so much.
We met with our RE and our diagnosis has stayed the same: completely and totally UNEXPLAINED! He gave us the go ahead to start treatments. Our RE suggests medicated cycle (with Gonal-F injections) and IUI. We're excited, yet terrified. This could be it! Also, I'm constantly thinking about the possibility of multiples resulting with this regimen. Apparently, the statistics are 15-20% chance of twins with a medicated IUI. That's pretty high. I know that I would do anything for a child, but right now, I'm not sure if I want to risk it. It's a tough decision. We would be happy to have more than one, but we're just scared. Scared for the babies and scared for my health.
So we're stuck. I kept praying for some kind of peace and affirmation about the decision to either go ahead with the treatments this month or wait a few more cycles.
I don't know if this was some kind of answer to my prayers, but yesterday my OB-GYN called and said that my latest pap smear came back abnormal, therefore she suggests postponing treatments until after my colposcopy. (Last summer, I also got an abnormal pap smear - had a colposcopy that showed nothing to worry about).
I cried after I got off the phone with her. For real?!?! How much more suckiness can one endure?
So even though this could possibly be an answer to my prayers (that we should wait a few more cycles to try treatments), I still can't get over the fact that all of the things that have happened this year, just plain suck!
Here are things I hope and pray for:
1. That my dog lives
2. That there's nothing serious going on and that the colposcopy will be normal
3. That we start feeling some peace about the decision to start treatments
4. That I'll have motivation to do... well, everything
I know I should be hopeful and that things will turn out for the best, they always somehow do.... even if we have to go through some really tough situations...
But right now, I feel like the little uterus that could, really can't... and there's really nothing I can do about it.
Here is a list of excuses for not writing lately:
1. We moved... again
2. One of my dogs has been really sick. We're just trying to keep her alive at the moment. It breaks my heart.
3. Access to internet was scarce
4. Lack of motivation
Lately, things have basically.... well, sucked! I've been really depressed about so much.
We met with our RE and our diagnosis has stayed the same: completely and totally UNEXPLAINED! He gave us the go ahead to start treatments. Our RE suggests medicated cycle (with Gonal-F injections) and IUI. We're excited, yet terrified. This could be it! Also, I'm constantly thinking about the possibility of multiples resulting with this regimen. Apparently, the statistics are 15-20% chance of twins with a medicated IUI. That's pretty high. I know that I would do anything for a child, but right now, I'm not sure if I want to risk it. It's a tough decision. We would be happy to have more than one, but we're just scared. Scared for the babies and scared for my health.
So we're stuck. I kept praying for some kind of peace and affirmation about the decision to either go ahead with the treatments this month or wait a few more cycles.
I don't know if this was some kind of answer to my prayers, but yesterday my OB-GYN called and said that my latest pap smear came back abnormal, therefore she suggests postponing treatments until after my colposcopy. (Last summer, I also got an abnormal pap smear - had a colposcopy that showed nothing to worry about).
I cried after I got off the phone with her. For real?!?! How much more suckiness can one endure?
So even though this could possibly be an answer to my prayers (that we should wait a few more cycles to try treatments), I still can't get over the fact that all of the things that have happened this year, just plain suck!
Here are things I hope and pray for:
1. That my dog lives
2. That there's nothing serious going on and that the colposcopy will be normal
3. That we start feeling some peace about the decision to start treatments
4. That I'll have motivation to do... well, everything
I know I should be hopeful and that things will turn out for the best, they always somehow do.... even if we have to go through some really tough situations...
But right now, I feel like the little uterus that could, really can't... and there's really nothing I can do about it.
Friday, June 10, 2011
in the middle of peak season :)
At this point it's obvious that I received a visit from AF. Again, she was right on time.
Right now I'm in the middle of peak season. On CD14 today and DH arrives from a business trip. I'm not planning on using any OPKs this time. A few months ago I decided to let go of them and stop ordering more. After 19 cycles of confirmed ovulation per OPK results, it was pretty apparent that there is something else going on.
I haven't had any EWCM yet. Perhaps today is the day. If that's the case, it will be a textbook ovulation right on CD14. If only everything else was like that.
So, here we are. Going on #22. 22 cycles of trying... of hoping... of praying.
Right now I'm in the middle of peak season. On CD14 today and DH arrives from a business trip. I'm not planning on using any OPKs this time. A few months ago I decided to let go of them and stop ordering more. After 19 cycles of confirmed ovulation per OPK results, it was pretty apparent that there is something else going on.
I haven't had any EWCM yet. Perhaps today is the day. If that's the case, it will be a textbook ovulation right on CD14. If only everything else was like that.
So, here we are. Going on #22. 22 cycles of trying... of hoping... of praying.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)