Sunday, October 30, 2011

Sweet October, turned bitter...

I hoped and prayed that #26 would be the lucky one.  That in October we would have some great things happen, in particular, that we would become pregnant.  In the end, that wasn't the case, and I'm sitting in my pajamas, as I have been all day, trying to stop the tears from flowing.

This past Friday was 10 dpiui and I was feeling hopeful.  I had felt a few symptoms: tired, growing breasts, queazy, and brownish spotting.  When I first saw the brownish/pinkish spotting, I was alarmed, but then read that it's normal during implantation, so I thought everything was going well.  I had a little more spotting on Saturday, but not much.  I hung on to the hope and I imagined a little tiny ball of cells implanting in my uterus and one day becoming our baby.

I felt tempted to take a HPT, but I was scared and couldn't bare to see that lonely line yet again.  I decided I would wait until at least 13 dpiui, and find out before my blood test on Tuesday.

This morning, Sunday (12 dpiui), I woke up with AF-like cramps and a terrible headache.  I thought this was just part of the implanting still going on.  A few hours after awakening, I saw the blood.  The oh-so familiar AF blood!  Still kind of in denial, I convinced myself it was implantation spotting.

However, it soon proved to be indeed AF's arrival. At CD22.

I told Mr. A.  He was in shock too, but didn't say anything.  I got back in my pajamas and cried myself into a mid-morning nap...

We had planned on going out to dinner with some friends tonight.  I've cried most of the day, so as you can imagine, I have puffy eyes and look like crap. Also, one of the gals that will be there just happens to be pregnant, therefore, I wasn't up to talking to her or asking her about her pregnancy.  She's not a close friend, so I don't feel bad for backing out.  I told Mr. A that he should still go.  He went, but before going he brought me some chocolate and mint oreo ice cream.  His sweetness made me cry all over again.

Here I am - back to CD1. I still have to go in on Tuesday for a blood test - I suppose to be completely sure I'm not pregnant.  I'm not sure what happens from there. I don't know if my RE will let me go on to the next cycle with, maybe with a higher dosage.  We'll see what he says tomorrow.

Hope I'll feel better and more optimistic in the next few days, but right now, I'm still in my pajamas and still crying...

Friday, October 21, 2011

Happy October ICLW!

I've skipped out on a few ICLWs because of all the chaos that August and September brought to my life. In September, I couldn't stop singing the song by Green Day "Wake me up when September ends."

Needless to say, I'm glad it's October.

Check out our long TTC Timeline.

Currently I'm in the 2WW after our very first IUI.  I'm 3dpiui.  CD 2-7 I gave myself injections, CD 8 Ovid.rel shot, and CD 10 was our IUI.  (I was monitored by my doctor - ultrasound and blood work on CD 6 and CD 8).

The morning of our IUI, both Mr. A and I were very nervous.  We decided to wake up three hours before we were scheduled to be at the clinic in order to have breakfast, shower, give DH enough time to provide the goods in a cup, and prepare ourselves mentally for what could be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives.  Poor DH wasn't very excited about having to provide his semen sample so early in the morning.  I kept reminding him of ALL the procedures I've had and how embarrassing it has been for me to allow so many different doctors and nurses see my privates.  Don't know if that was encouraging or just sad...

We arrived at the clinic an hour before the scheduled IUI.  The lab tech took DH's spermies.  It took about 45 minutes for the semen to be washed and prepared for the IUI.  After that, we were called to a room, and I was prepared for the IUI.  Within about 5 minutes the whole thing was done!  I felt a little cramping when the nurse injected the semen into my uterus, but overall it was the least painful procedure I've ever had.  Mr. A dropped me off at home before heading to work, and I got to spend the rest of the day resting and watching TV :)

I couldn't believe how easy and uneventful the whole thing was.  The nurse scheduled a blood test in about 14 days. So, now we wait...

The days since the IUI have been the longest 3 days.  Each day I keep thinking I have one symptom or another.  I don't know if I just have high hopes (which is good, right?) or if it's all in my head.

We're hoping October turns out to be a great month :)... praying it will be.

Happy ICLW!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Sweet October: Will 26 be the lucky number?

I'm back! Sorry for the long absence.

Life has spun in several directions for us lately. August and September brought many trials our way.
  1. Our sweet dog died. 
  2. DH got a HUGE pay cut from his job. (I'm currently looking for a better paying job to help pay our bills).  Apparently, Stress is our new roommate.
  3. My pap smear and colposcopy were abnormal, so I had to have LEEP surgery, which was painful and postponed treatments.
  4. More pregnancy announcements from close friends that weren't TTC, one could have even been on the show 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant'... (cue eyes rolling)...
  5. I turn 30 and I'm not happy about it.  Don't necessarily feel my best.  We don't have the money right now to do anything extravagant, so it ended up being a low-key dinner with friends. Memorable, but not what I was hoping for my 30th birthday.
Overall, September wasn't the best month.

We're hoping Sweet October will make us forget about all the terrible things that have happened this year.

Well, we're here, cycle #26.

We've come to the point in this journey where we feel one step closer to having a baby.  On October 10th, I started my Gonal-F injections.  A few months ago, I was terrified of giving myself shots, but this time, I couldn't get my hands on some GF fast enough!

I celebrated when AF arrived, in her predictable and timely fashion. I watched the online videos and followed along as I jabbed my abdomen in a dart like fashion with that needle, injected the medication and held the needle there for 5 seconds, as instructed. It wasn't bad at all!

I will give myself the last shot tomorrow night and then will go in for blood work on Friday morning. From there, I'll be advised on when to give myself the Ovidrel shot (to induce ovulation), and then we'll be scheduled for our very first IUI!  I'm guessing it will be sometime next Tuesday or Wednesday.

We're grateful that we're finally here. Finally on the fertility-treatment-road. After 25 cycles of heartbreak and sadness, we're praying that this one is the one. That at the end of Sweet October, we'll finally see our very first BFP.