Definition of unconventional - not conventional; not bound by or conforming to convention, rule, or precedent; free from conventionality. Yup, that's us.
As a child I always wanted to fit in. I craved what others had. My mother is Hispanic and my father is Anglo-American (is that the PC term nowadays?). My parents have five children - yes, I did not inherit the 'fertile myrtle' gene that my mother apparently was blessed with. Two languages were always spoken in our home since I can remember. I don't remember when I noticed a difference - I didn't know we were speaking two languages until I started school and kids would ask me why my mother spoke funny - I later realized that that 'funny' talk was actually Spanish. As a child, I wanted to blend in with everyone else, so I started pretending that I didn't know Spanish. (Very interesting now - I'm another kind of statistic, something like 9% of Americans are bilingual, and 1 in 8 couples are infertile, according to www.resolve.org. We fall under both of those statistics). Shortly after that, I realized that I would never be like everyone else. I began to embrace my differences. It took a while, but I learned to love the unconventionality of my life.
Fast forward several years, and I meet someone that shares a lot of the same upbringing that I do, Mr. A. He is also half-hispanic, half-american. Because of very similar childhood/upbringing, and also because he is charming, intelligent and good looking, we hit it off right away. Our meeting was also an unconventional one - while in college, I was visiting my parents and he was visiting his father (his parents are divorced) in a city that is 1,000 miles from where I lived, and 2,000 miles from where he lived. It was by chance that we met, and by hard work that we made our relationship work. We understood each other.
Fast forward a few more years, we take the plunge and get hitched. After marriage we move abroad for Mr. A's work. We learn new things about a different culture, and we embrace the unique opportunity. Later, we move back to the U.S. and try to assimilate back into the norm, however, DH's work is not the 8-5 office job, he travels quite a bit, so again, not typical. Or at least not typical for the average husband/wife situation. I don't like it when he's away, but at the same time, it's great. We feel like we're dating again. Each time we see each other after a long business trip, we feel giddy and excited to see each other. I love that feeling!
On the outside looking in, some might think that we're like every 'Joe six-pack' - actually, we're doing a little better than Joe. We might even look like the Joneses. We own a beautiful home, we have two vehicles, we have two dogs, we get to travel, and don't have tons of debt on our hands. However, the most recent addition to our resume is that we have been diagnosed with Infertility. As hard as that was for me to hear, I'm not surprised. We don't fit into the little box of a perfect family, and that's fine, but it still hurt that this was one thing we couldn't control.
I've seen that some of our friends (not close friends, but nonetheless friends) have the 8-5 jobs, the perfect little house, a dog, and 2.5 children. We have only half of those things in common with them, so we automatically don't fit in. If you don't have children, it's hard to be included in some of the things they do, especially in the South. We're not complaining. DH and I have never fit in with the conventional way of living, and I've learned to embrace our unconventionality. Actually, I've learned to love it! We are both very unique people and always have different experiences to bring to the table. We're well traveled and speak more than two languages - which is pretty rare in the U.S. Many of our 'couple' friends just don't get us and don't bother trying to understand us, even though we continue to try to understand them. We've learned to not sweat it and appreciate the real friends that we do have. I didn't reach that understanding until recently, mostly after a very needed reunion with three of my best friends. I've realized that my friendships with them are also very unconventional. We are all in different places in our lives, we all live in different cities, but the four of us share this pretty strong bond. A bond that is hard to describe; a bond that will never be broken by conventionality.
So here we are. The unconventional couple. The unconventional infertile couple. We don't like all of the words in the last sentence, but it has become part of who we are, and we will deal with it as best as we can. We will embrace what God has given us, and continue to pray that one day we'll be "The Unconventional Family."
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Last year was a very difficult year for me. We moved to a big city, our first dog died of unknown causes, everyone around us was having babies, we spent lots of time in the doctor's office trying to figure out why we couldn't have babies, and our marriage was suffering the consequences and tension that TTC can bring. It was a very stressful and depressing time. I prayed that 2011 would be better.
In 2010, my DH was starting to really get worried about me. He couldn't understand why I was so obsessed with the baby making process. I felt like my biological clock was ticking, ticking and ticking. He just didn't get it. He always tries to fix everything to make things better, so his solution was for me to try to figure out how to deal with the anxiety. I turned to my dear friend, the computer, along with it's friend, Mr. Google. My friend Google introduced me to this underground world of the IF community. I was amazed! That was about a year ago. Since then, I've found some amazing women that have been incredibly encouraging. They don't even know it, but they helped turn my life around. Everyday I would look forward to what they had to say. I loved following along in their TTC journey. I should have started to write back then, but instead I spent all my free time reading their stories. These women (some might be reading this now), shared their struggles, their fears, and even found humor in what they were going through. Sometimes, I think I should have written what I was going through during those dark, dark days, but I know that my way of dealing with this disability was by hearing stories. Hearing stories of success and hearing stories of happiness. That is what got me through last year.
Today, I sit here, still with no baby to hold, but I am confident that we will one day be there. We will one day be on the other side of this journey. Today, I am grateful for what I have. I am grateful for Mr. A. I am grateful for what I've learned. I am grateful that God has been so faithful. He has shown up in all of you women out there, to help me get through the tough times.
Thank you to all the IF bloggies out there! You mean so much to me.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
I read this on 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility. I love visiting this blog; it always cracks me up and helps me find the humor in infertility.
My favorite is #1 :) I would totally do that.
Mr. A is coming home today after almost two weeks of being away for business. I'm so excited! We've been together for almost ten years (married for 4 of those), and I still feel giddy when we are reunited. I clean the house, I wash the sheets, I get all dolled up (cute clothes, make-up, lots of perfume, etc.). I count down the hours until I get to see him again. I love that feeling! Tonight, in honor of St. Patrick's Day, I'm gonna wear some sexy green panties... someone is definitely getting lucky tonight :)....I know, I know, second post and already TMI?!? But I don't care, I feel safe here. I can say whatever I want. Oh, and by the way, we're gonna have some "just for fun sex"... *cue gasp* That's right, you heard it! Not expecting to be BDing this cycle. Work/business trips have gotten in the way, but I'm not going to cry this time. I'm somewhere around CD7, hubby goes away again for work on Sunday CD10, just before O Day, so probably not gonna happen. I'm okay though. I'm going to enjoy just being with my husband and acting like we're 20 years old again. After I pick him up from the airport, we plan on going out to dinner, then maybe doing some pub crawling, then gettin' lucky. I can't wait!
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Monday, March 14, 2011
I'm not sure how to start this blog. I'm not exactly inspired to write today, so it'll be a short one. I decided to start writing about our struggle with infertility because I think it will be greatly therapeutic. I've come across so many IF blogs, and I've learned that I am not alone in this journey. I hope to share my story and perhaps encourage others the way I've been encouraged.