Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Still holding my breath...

Four months since my last post - I can't believe it! I've been extremely busy with work and haven't had much time to blog.

Things are still setting in that our 1st IVF cycle actually worked.  I am 23 weeks now and feeling great. I haven't had any common pregnancy symptoms, except the following -

- get up in the middle of the night to pee
- hungry all the time
- a little trouble sleeping

I feel like I've been holding my breath since the day we got our BFP.  I'll probably feel this way until I'm finally holding our little baby in my arms. Countdown is 4 months :)

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

symptoms, where are you?

According to my 'what to expect' app on my iphone, I am currently 6 weeks 5 days pregnant. I've been searching for symptoms since the day after transfer. Each day that passed, I thought I felt twinges, stretching, etc. But in reality, I didn't feel anything. I felt and have felt (for the most part), very normal. I could almost say that I feel better than normal. Maybe being pregnant has finally stabilized my hormones or something because I feel better than pre-pregnancy. My mother-in-law once told me that when she was pregnant with DH, she felt amazing. Maybe I'll be the same? But deep down I'm begging for symptoms! Symptoms will let me know that baby is indeed still there. That baby is growing and using my body for support. 


Here are a few 'symptoms', if I can call them that, that I've experienced -  
  • I haven't really been interested in inter.course. DH and I did the deed the night before our beta. It felt like things were pretty tight up there and it was pretty painful for me. Poor DH, he also has his needs...ha. Since then we decided to use lubri.cated con.doms to help. It was quite hilarious embarrassing purchasing con.doms and a box of pregnancy tests at the pharmacy. I wonder what the cashier was thinking? Oh well.
  • As far as my CM, well it's been increasingly watery (but dry during inter.course). I have to wear a panty liner everyday and change it about three times a day. In the first few weeks after our BFP, my CM was sort of smelly, but that has since gone away.
  • more TMI - instead of being constipated, I've actually had to go to the bathroom about three times a day. Not diarrhea, just normal BM. Very strange.
  • I haven't noticed that my bo.obs are bigger, only that my nip.ples look different. The little bumps around the nip.ple have increased, but other than that they don't hurt much. 
  • One of the first clues was that my temperature stayed above 98°F, which has never happened to me 11dpo. I continued to take my temp for a couple of weeks after our BFP, you know, because I'm the insane Infertile...
  • The day after 3dt, I began Crin.one 8% (progest.erone), and that's when the acne began. I can't really say this has been a symptom - I think it's mostly due to the progest.erone.
  • I didn't used to have to get out of bed in the middle of the night to pee, and that has become a daily thing now.
  • Almost everyday, I tell DH that I'm worried it's not true, that I'm not really pregnant. I tell him that I have no symptoms and he disagrees. He says "first of all, yesterday you wanted to eat Lo Mein noodles, which you don't really like." I didn't really think about it much, just suddenly started thinking about Lo Mein. So we went out and had Chinese food for dinner. Today after work I couldn't stop thinking about cupcakes. I finally got one during our trip to the grocery store. Again, I don't know if this is just all in my head. DH thinks it's weird and believes it's a symptom.
  • Lately I have had some food aversions - I normally absolutely love chocolate, but haven't really wanted any in the last few weeks. I read that pregnant women usually crave it, so again, I'm the strange one I suppose.  Last week I really wanted carrots and hummus, so out we went to the grocery store. I had this as a snack at work for about a day. A day - because that's how long that craving lasted. I now can't stand raw carrots or hummus. Also, DH was cooking fish the other day, and the house smelled disgusting. Well, to me it smelled awful. Since then I haven't wanted fish.
  • Tired - I have been tired lately, but I don't know if it's due to the fact that I have cut out drinking coffee in the morning. Who knows?
So there you have it, not the typical pregnancy symptoms, but I guess they're "my" unique symptoms. With all three of my medicated IUIs I had more normal symptoms (twinges, moodiness, sore breasts, tired, etc). I'm still praying that I'll have a few more concrete clues that there's a baby growing in there. 



Monday, March 26, 2012

A heartbeat

This morning DH and I headed to the clinic bright and early. We didn't know what to expect, but we kept praying that we would at least see ONE heartbeat. To ease our nerves, we started going through names on my iphone baby names app.  It helped distract us and turned out to be quite amusing. I think we're going to have a tough time deciding on a name, but fortunately, we have some time. Well, hopefully... :-/

Once at the clinic, the nurse inserted the dildocam and within a few seconds found a little heartbeat! A heartbeat! We were both in total and complete awe. We got to see it flicker on the screen for a few minutes (I wish it could have been longer!) and then the nurse measured the baby & heartbeat. The baby is measuring 6 weeks 2 days, about two days behind of what we thought, but the nurse said it was nothing to worry about... but, of course, I worry.  The heartbeat was nice and strong, so that was very reassuring. The baby looked so tiny on the screen and looked like it was just cozily tucked away on one side of my uterus.  I think it's arms are still forming, but in the picture the nurse gave us, it looks like there's a little arm waving... at least, that's what I like to think :)

On the flip side, the nurse found a fibroid in my uterus & could see cysts in one of my ovaries. She said that both fibroid and cysts should go away on their own, but I will be monitored in two weeks to make sure things still look okay.

During dinner tonight, DH blessed our food and in his prayer he thank God for the precious miracle of our tiny little baby.  I can not even express how happy it makes me feel to see him so excited. It warms every inch of my heart.

We only got to keep one picture of our baby, it's not the best, but it's our very first. Here are two views of the same picture -



The baby is the little blob on the left side of the picture. That tiny little thing!

We go back in about 2 weeks for another ultrasound.  At that point, the RE will decide if we can graduate to the OB/GYN. Woohoo!

Praying that our tiny little one continues to grow. Thank you for your messages and twitter comments. I couldn't have made it this far without your love and support.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Cycle #31... our news (11dp3dt)

This morning I woke up, POAS and hid it under the bathroom sink.  I decided I would leave it there ALL day long and not look at it until after work.  I headed to the RE clinic around 6:30 am, once there I got my blood drawn, then headed home to shower and get ready for work. I was pretty much at peace about everything - I don't really know why. That peace made me have the self control to not look at the stick in the bathroom.

Fortunately, I was very busy at work today.  I didn't have much time to really think about the enormity of today.  In the afternoon, I noticed that the RE's office had called and left a message.  I was too scared and nervous to listen, plus I wanted to listen to the news with DH.

After work, I walked my dog, ate a snack and waited another hour and a half for DH to get home.  Once he arrived, we headed straight to the bathroom together. I reached under the sink for the stick... from afar I only saw one line (the control line)... then, as I got closer, I saw it.... I saw that 2nd line!  I showed it to DH, he looked at it confused (he really didn't know what to look for - poor guy, he's not as obsessed with staring at pee sticks as I am).  

Here's what we got:
Not the darkest line, but more than I've ever seen!

After I collected myself, we listened to the message from the RE's office.  The nurse started off in a somber tone, nonchalant, and neutral. Her tone stayed the same as she uttered the words "Congratulations, your blood test was positive." Absolutely no excitement in her voice.  She totally failed the 'tell-the-infertile-she's-pregnant test." 

So, it's confirmed, we are pregnant!!! DH and I are both in complete and total shock.  We've NEVER seen a BFP. Here we are, after 31 cycles of TTC (including 3 medicated IUIs), our 1st IVF finally gave us a positive.

I haven't had any symptoms per se - my boobs look different and I've noticed that my temperature has stayed at 98°F and not dropped like it usually does around this time of the month.

We were told to schedule a prenatal visit for 2 weeks from now... so once again, we're in another kind of 2ww, but I like this one much better...ha.  I was also instructed to continue with Crinone 8% (progesterone) for a while.

Please join me in praying for baby(ies), that they continue to grow and make their home in my womb.

Thank you all for your encouragement, prayers, and thoughtful words! 



Sunday, March 4, 2012

2ww - 9dp3dt

I feel back to normal.  The night after my retrieval I woke up in great pain.  I had massive cramps and almost fainted and came close to vomiting in the bathroom.  DH came to my rescue wondering if he should fill my prescription of Vicodin for my pain.

I decided to drink more water and take more Tylenol.  I got back in bed, and after some shivering, I was somehow able to fall back asleep.  In the morning, I felt like my insides were on fire, and every time I moved, my abdomen hurt like hell.

I came very close to calling in to work, but I had several important meetings scheduled, so I decided to try to brave it. In the end, I was able to make it all day without calling it quits.  However, when I got home, I crashed pretty early.

The next day, I felt like I was back to myself.  I've been weighing myself daily and drinking lots of water to prevent OHSS.  Everything seems to be okay.

The 2ww hasn't been too bad this time around. Perhaps because I've been really busy with work. I'm anxious and nervous about Tuesday (Mar. 6) - the day of my beta.  2 more days!!! I've wondered if I should do a HPT before finding out the results, but I'm scared.

I've thought about it and have decided to POAS in the morning before my beta, but not look at the test.  Head to work after going to the clinic, come home, look at the HPT, and then listen to my voicemail with the news of either 'negative' or 'positive.'  I don't want to find out from the nurse first, but I want to have both bases covered. DH thinks I'm insane (IF has kinda made me that way), but I think this way will be better for me emotionally.  I've seen and heard too many negatives; I'm just trying to play it safe.  I don't want to find out at work, because either way (- or +), it will be hard for me to concentrate.  Waiting until after work, gives me enough time to process everything and talk it out with DH.

So that's the plan!

Hoping and praying our embies are still in there growing.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Day-5

After our transfer on Friday, the doctor asked if we would like to allow the remaining 11 embryos to grow until Day 5 to see if any can be frozen. We, of course, said yes.

Today, we received a call from the nurse, and were told that out of the 11, only 1 made it to freeze.  The rest didn't grow enough and arrested. I'm pretty sad, but I have hope that that lonely embryo could one day make it to transfer... well, at least I pray that it makes it...

In the meantime, I wait and pray that our two embryos are currently making my uterus their abode.  Please embies, make yourself at home!!!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Day-3 Transfer

On Friday, CD16, I went in with a full bladder for our transfer.  

It was probably the best part of IVF that I've experienced so far. 

Our clinic had 8 transfers scheduled for that day, and we were the very first ones. I was asked to change into a hospital gown, hair net, and socks.  DH was given scrubs and asked to put them over his clothes, along with a hair net, and shoe covers.  We went back to the OR, where I had my retrieval - it's a pretty creepy place if you ask me - and I was instructed by a nurse on how to position myself. 

Our two little embies were displayed on a big monitor with my name and birthdate. Amazing little things! Then, the doc put in the catheter, tested it out on the ultrasound, and then another embryologist brought our embryos and shot them into the catheter.  

The coolest thing happened next - we saw a bright little star shine across the screen! Like a shooting star in the sky.  DH was holding my hand the whole time - he was smiling ear-to-ear after he saw our shooting star.  It was the first time in this IF rollercoaster that I saw his emotions take true hold of him.  I wish we could have watched our embies some more, but before I knew it, we were being rushed out of the OR. I guess other couples were waiting to see their shooting stars too... We were then handed a picture of our embryos.  

Introducing, Embryo Cuatro and Embryo Siete :)

On the left - 4 cell, 3 grade embryo... On the right - 7 cell, 3 grade embryo... I fell in love!

Apparently there are different ways of grading embryos - our clinic grades 1-4, with 4 being the highest, so these two were the highest grade I had.  The 11 others were not the best, and our doctor gave us the option to wait and see how they grow up until Day 5 before being able to tell if they would make it to freeze.

Right now, I'm praying that our two embies are settling well into my uterus. That they'll implant and turn into a beautiful combination of us. I can't stop looking at this picture - I'm in awe that we at least get to see what our DNA looks like combined :)