Wednesday, March 23, 2011

In a good place...

Last year was a very difficult year for me.  We moved to a big city, our first dog died of unknown causes, everyone around us was having babies, we spent lots of time in the doctor's office trying to figure out why we couldn't have babies, and our marriage was suffering the consequences and tension that TTC can bring. It was a very stressful and depressing time.  I prayed that 2011 would be better.

In 2010, my DH was starting to really get worried about me.  He couldn't understand why I was so obsessed with the baby making process.  I felt like my biological clock was ticking, ticking and ticking.  He just didn't get it.  He always tries to fix everything to make things better, so his solution was for me to try to figure out how to deal with the anxiety.  I turned to my dear friend, the computer, along with it's friend, Mr. Google.  My friend Google introduced me to this underground world of the IF community.  I was amazed!  That was about a year ago.  Since then, I've found some amazing women that have been incredibly encouraging.  They don't even know it, but they helped turn my life around.  Everyday I would look forward to what they had to say.  I loved following along in their TTC journey.  I should have started to write back then, but instead I spent all my free time reading their stories.  These women (some might be reading this now), shared their struggles, their fears, and even found humor in what they were going through. Sometimes, I think I should have written what I was going through during those dark, dark days, but I know that my way of dealing with this disability was by hearing stories.  Hearing stories of success and hearing stories of happiness.  That is what got me through last year.

Today, I sit here, still with no baby to hold, but I am confident that we will one day be there.  We will one day be on the other side of this journey.  Today, I am grateful for what I have.  I am grateful for Mr. A.  I am grateful for what I've learned. I am grateful that God has been so faithful.  He has shown up in all of you women out there, to help me get through the tough times.  

Thank you to all the IF bloggies out there! You mean so much to me.

1 comment:

  1. I could not agree more. Having a virtual support group has made me feel much better about life as I continue trying to conceive. The disappointment every month isn't quite as acute as it used to be.