Day-3 Transfer

On Friday, CD16, I went in with a full bladder for our transfer.  

It was probably the best part of IVF that I've experienced so far. 

Our clinic had 8 transfers scheduled for that day, and we were the very first ones. I was asked to change into a hospital gown, hair net, and socks.  DH was given scrubs and asked to put them over his clothes, along with a hair net, and shoe covers.  We went back to the OR, where I had my retrieval - it's a pretty creepy place if you ask me - and I was instructed by a nurse on how to position myself. 

Our two little embies were displayed on a big monitor with my name and birthdate. Amazing little things! Then, the doc put in the catheter, tested it out on the ultrasound, and then another embryologist brought our embryos and shot them into the catheter.  

The coolest thing happened next - we saw a bright little star shine across the screen! Like a shooting star in the sky.  DH was holding my hand the whole time - he was smiling ear-to-ear after he saw our shooting star.  It was the first time in this IF rollercoaster that I saw his emotions take true hold of him.  I wish we could have watched our embies some more, but before I knew it, we were being rushed out of the OR. I guess other couples were waiting to see their shooting stars too... We were then handed a picture of our embryos.  

Introducing, Embryo Cuatro and Embryo Siete :)

On the left - 4 cell, 3 grade embryo... On the right - 7 cell, 3 grade embryo... I fell in love!

Apparently there are different ways of grading embryos - our clinic grades 1-4, with 4 being the highest, so these two were the highest grade I had.  The 11 others were not the best, and our doctor gave us the option to wait and see how they grow up until Day 5 before being able to tell if they would make it to freeze.

Right now, I'm praying that our two embies are settling well into my uterus. That they'll implant and turn into a beautiful combination of us. I can't stop looking at this picture - I'm in awe that we at least get to see what our DNA looks like combined :)

Fert report

The nurse from our RE clinic called to let us know that we have 13 fertilized eggs! We have 13 embryos!!!

I'm very happy that at least we know we can fertilize :).  Now we wait and see how many continue to grow and hope we have two good ones for our 3-day transfer on Friday.

Retrieval

Today is CD12.  We woke up at around 8:30 am, showered, *DH produced his part of the deal*, and we headed off to the clinic. Once there we delivered DH's part and waited in the lobby to be called in for my retrieval.

At around 10:15 am, I was called back to the nurses station and asked to changed into a hospital gown, put a hairnet on, and warm socks. DH accompanied me most of the time. The nurse checked my heart rate, and took my temperature, then she explained what I should be expecting.  I wasn't allowed to wear make-up, earrings, or anything in my hair (like a hairband), or even contact lenses, so I'm pretty sure I looked terrible. This was no fashion show, for sure! ha...

Then came the anesthesiologist and asked a few questions - do I normally get seasick or carsick, allergies, etc. Out of everyone I'd met, he was NOT the warmest fellow - everything seemed kinda mundane to him; he was so nonchalant.  He inserted the IV - I'm not a huge fan of needles, but I've gotten semi used to them since having to give myself injections - I just looked away for a minute and it was all done!  I'm sure the anesthesiologist does this so much that he actually figured out how to put an IV in without causing pain... actually, I'm sure he has and I'm glad there was no pain.

At about 10:45 am, I gave DH a kiss and I was led by a nurse to the OR.  I've never been in an OR before, only seen them on TV, so I thought it was really creepy.  The nurse instructed me on how to get on the operating table, she provided a warm blanket, and then helped me get my legs in two hanging stirrups. I looked pretty silly with my legs hanging, but everyone in the OR (nurses, anesthesiologist, embryologist) acted completely normal... I guess they do many retrievals, that seeing my legs hanging from some pretty crazy stirrups doesn't faze them anymore.

I think I was lying down for about 3 minutes, when the anesthesiologist said I would feel a little sting in my arm.  At that moment I remember thinking "Okay, I'll pray now"... and the next thing I know I'm waking up in the recovery area sitting in a recliner all bundled up with blankets.  There was a clock in front of me on the wall, the time read 11:09 am. I felt really sleepy. A nurse came by and asked how I was feeling, and apparently (she told me later) I said that I was tired and fell asleep again. I woke up at about 11:40 am and remembered the embryologist coming by to tell me he had retrieved 21 eggs. I guess I was pretty groggy when he came by because I thought he told me that in a dream.  The nurse came by and confirmed that indeed we had 21 eggs.

I think it's interesting that we had 21 eggs retrieved on Feb. 21, 2012. Hmmm.... hope this means good luck :)

At about 11:45 am, DH was called from the lobby and joined me in the recovery area as I devoured some animal crackers and ginger-ale that the nurse had given me.  I was so hungry!

Once I was feeling completely back to normal, one of the nurses handed me my bag of clothes and led me to the bathroom, where I changed.

At about 12:15 pm, DH got the car and drove it to the pick-up area (which was in the back of the clinic). The nurse helped me out and we were off... next stop... Burger King! haha... I was starving and for some reason really wanted Burger King.  I'm not sure why. I'm not a huge fan of fast food, but I was craving it like a madwoman!

After lunch, we arrive home around 1:00 pm.  I rested on the couch for seven hours with my gallon of water next to me, finished a book, and watched some reality TV.  I was feeling okay, but did start feeling quite a bit of discomfort on hour #4 or so. I took some Tylenol, which seemed to relieve most of the pain.

I'm off to bed at 9:00 pm. Tomorrow I'm dreading going back to work. I wish I could have taken more time off, but I just started a new job, and we've kept our IVF completely private from my employer.

Good night everyone! Tonight I pray that we have a good fertilization report.

Monitoring

So far, monitoring has been as follows:

CD6 blood work & ultrasound: things looking good
CD9 blood work & ultrasound: follies growing
CD10 blood work & ultrasound: 17 measurable follicles, Ovidrel trigger shot at 11:00 pm

One.step.closer.

Tomorrow is retrieval and I am so nervous! I've never been under anesthesia, so this is quite scary for me.  I'm not sure what to expect, and hope that everything goes smoothly. I was told not to eat or drink anything after midnight tonight.  We have to be at the clinic at 10:00 am before surgery.  Headed to bed - going to try to get as much sleep as possible.

Prayers are appreciated.

I never thought I would be this excited about AF's arrival

This is probably the only time, since I can remember, that I was looking forward to AF's arrival.  It means I start stimulating hormones in a few days so that my follies can grow for our first IVF cycle.  It's cycle #31 of trying to conceive - I've said this before, but I hope this is the one!

Hi, my name is Lup.ron

Today I received a large bag of medicines - it sort of felt like Christmas... ha... (only an infertile would say that ;)

Our goodie bag included:
1 vial of Lup.ron
1 box of 20+ injections
alcohol wipes
3 boxes of 900 iu/each of Gon.al F
1 box of Cri.none
1 pre-filled Ovi.drel injection...

phew! I feel like a total druggie!

On CD21 of cycle #30 of TTC, I began 10 units of Lup.ron.  The needle was a little bigger than the Ovi.drel pre-filled injection needle, so needless to say, it was a bit intimidate. I decided to give myself the shot in the abdomen, and once I start Gon.al F, I'll do that one in the leg (and alternate each day). It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be - just stung a bit, but overall it wasn't bad... I guess it's not bad for someone that has done three medicated cycles of IUI. The only difference this time was the addition of Lup.ron & Cri.none.

I'm very ready to start our first IVF, and hope that we have great success. Here we go!

It looks like I've lost count...maybe it's cycle #30 now

It's been quite some time since I last posted.   IUI #2 ended up not working, followed by a IUI #3 fail.  Right before the holidays. Needless to say, 2011 ended terrible.

I ended up getting a job, which I'm thankful for because we really need the funds to pay our bills.  However, I'm not all that excited about it - it's definitely not a position I would want to have for a very long time.  It seems like I'm still trying to find my purpose in life and it has really affected my day-to-day motivation as well as my marriage. I can't seem to be content with anything in my life right now. I'm not happy with where we live - missing my friends, and my family more than I ever have. Feeling really bitter towards DH because he seems to want to stay in school forever.  I'm tired of living like college students. I'm tired of being so worried about how we're going to pay our bills.  I'm worried that we'll never have a family and live a normal life.

I'm rambling and I can't stop.

I should be grateful for overall health (except having to deal with IF), having a roof over our heads, and getting a job, at where others would think is a pretty cool place. But I'm not happy with any of this... I just want DH to be finished with school, get a job, and move closer to our friends and our family.  I want to live in a home we can afford. I want to pay off our debt. I want to find a job I love. I want a family of our own.

And the rambling continues...

I'm trying to be happy and content with my life in this moment... This year... But I can't seem to see my purpose here on earth... I can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know that most of this doesn't even make sense. I'm trying my best to express how I feel so that I can try to understand myself.  I don't know what 2012 holds, but I'm praying it's better than the past couple of years.  Yet, at the same time, I'm really terrified that things will only get worse - which only makes me feel tense every second of the day.

Anyways, on the IF journey, we have been approved for IVF.  I should be jumping up for joy, right? But I'm not. I'm grateful, but still really sad that it has come to this.  That for some reason we were chosen to be 'The One in Eight Couple'.  I'm pretty bitter and angry about falling into that category. I hate it and didn't know how much it would brake me.  Maybe one day I'll look back and think that it was meant to be, that it was for a reason, but right now I'm mad that we have to go through this.

It's just not fair.

I start Lup.ron later this week for IVF.  I don't even know if I'm excited.  I just feel numb. I've been hurt by seeing so many BFNs, that I can't seem to even dream about it being any other way.

I guess that's what the Infertility Bitch has done to me.