I am currently 8 days past our 5 day transfer (frozen embryo from our 2012 IVF). The embryo was rated by our clinic as a 3BB, which is apparently pretty average. I have not POAS and I'm honestly just plain terrified. I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst, but also hope for the best. It's nothing but a mind game. The google devil doesn't help, and I'm glad I have stopped googling for a few days now. I feel things, I'm just not sure they are pregnancy things.
Just because I started keeping track of symptoms, here is the list I've noted for 5dp5dt -7dp5dt (I'll tell you this, it's not very exciting):
- smells seemed stronger
- aversion to Lasagna for dinner.
- Dreamt that a child from the Duggar Family (family in the US that has 19 kids) was given to me as a consolation prize for getting a BFN. WTH?
I'm trying to prepare myself for a negative in case that happens. I'm not motivated to do anything or go anywhere until I find out. I feel like I'm just sitting around waiting and waiting for the time to pass. I'm not enjoying every moment of the day. I feel anxious and scared. What will happen if this doesn't work? Will we one day be able to add to our family? At the same time I feel extremely fortunate that we have our son. That through years of trying, our first IVF was successful and we brought home an amazing person. You would think that that would make me feel better. Maybe feel complete, but it doesn't. Infertility sticks around, and you try to fight it even more the second time around. You know how great is it to finally feel like you defeated IF, but then you find yourself back to the same place. Hopeful, then scared, then angry, then anxious... and back to hopeful.
Beta is tomorrow.
AHHH! (and I'm back at 'scared').