IVF#3, fresh 5-day transfer

• Update for May 2019
• May 8 - RETRIEVAL! = 13 eggs (same number as IVF#2!).
• May 9 - fertilization report = 9 mature eggs, 6 fertilized
• May 10 - 3-day transfer moved to 5-day transfer. 
• Two 8B cell embryos, one 7B embryo, one 6B embryo and one 5B embryo...all growing
• May 13 - 5-day transfer. Transferred two blastocyst, 3BB and 2BB. 
• May 23 - testing

I'm back. 2018-2019 Timeline update!

2018

• May 2018 - Road to IVF #2. (Now 36 years old, DH 37 years old. Have 5.5 year old from successful IVF #1.)
• returned to New England area. Got a job with great medical benefits (covers IVF!). On a mission here!
• May-June 2018
• update testing
• August 2018
• begin medication - Lup.ron and Go.nal F
• September 2018 - IVF #2!
• Retrieval! - results = 13 eggs retrieved
• OHSS - Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome
• Doc decides to see how many make it to Day 5 for freezing
• Only ONE makes it to freezing
• October 2018
• begin estrogen pills and estrogen patch
• November 2018
• Transfer our only snow embie
• Late November 2018 - BFP! So excited. Heartbeat at 127.

2019

• January 2019 - prenatal screening. Results come back as 9/10 chance for Tri.somy 18.
• Devastated doesn't even come close to describing how we feel.
• Decide to do CVS (chorionic villus sampling, where they take a bit of placenta for testing) diagnostic test - results return as confirmed for Tri.somy 18
• Begin to bleed profusely. End up in the ER. Doctors are afraid for my life.
• Emergency D&E performed to save me. 
• Very loved and wanted baby joins God in heaven at 12 weeks. Again, utterly and completely devastated. 
• February - April 2019
• Nothing but healing emotionally. Physically, already feel back to normal
• Late April 2019 - IVF #3 (now 37 years old, DH 38 years old, 6.5 year old from IVF#1)
• Back to treatments. Begin BCP for two weeks, then Lup.ron for two weeks
• April 26, begin Gon.al F shots
• May 2019
• May 8 - RETRIEVAL! = 13 eggs (same number as IVF#2!).

The all too familiar lonely line...

The all too familiar lonely line... Yes, that's what I saw on the HPT today at 9 days past 5 day transfer.

I woke up this morning around 5:45 am with the urge to pee. I decided to go ahead and POAS, but wait until after coming back from the lab to look at it. I carefully placed it under the sink and went back to sleep until it was time to head to the lab around 7 am.

I looked at the stick after I returned from the lab and very clearly saw just.one.lonely.line.

I wasn't feeling very hopeful. Partly because I've felt lots of things happen in the last few days. Here is the updated list of symptoms -

8dp5dt

• Light pain and cramping on the left side of my uterus
• Heaviness feeling in uterus
• My breasts feel heavier & look bigger. Also, I felt a bit of tingling in them. Sort of like what a 'let down' feels like when you are breastfeeding. 

9dp5dt 

• Cramps 
• Heaviness feeling in uterus 
• Same deal with my boobs (heavier, bigger, let down & tingly feeling).

You would think that these symptoms would be reassuring, but just knowing my body, I didn't feel hopeful that this was from pregnancy. I felt a lot of these same symptoms after my 3 medicated IUIs, when I swore I would see a BFP. I never did. I didn't have ANY symptoms (except for the urge to pee in the middle of the night) after my fresh IVF transfer. And that is the ONLY time I have seen a BFP -  it was 11 days past a 3 day transfer (read more on that here March 2012). I felt amazing while pregnant. I had more energy than ever before. It was very strange. I think my hormones were finally stable. Who knows, really?

My doctor in Boston had to send over the paperwork to the lab here in Texas. The lab was suppose to send the results back by end of day today. That apparently didn't happen. I'm pretty sure it's going to be negative for pregnancy, but still have to wait for them to confirm it. Blah!

I have surprisingly felt okay about it. Not what I thought I would feel. I cried a little while I prepared breakfast for my son.

Then I felt a wave of gratefulness. After 5 procedures - 3 medicated IUIs, 1 IVF, and 1 FET -  lots of tears and prayers, I still have my son. I was reminded how blessed I am when he said very sweetly, "Thank you, Mommy!" as I fed him breakfast. Seriously, how amazing is that?!?

I'm sad I won't get to see what that embie could have been. How it could have fit into our family. I'm comforted in knowing that I did everything I could to help make this successful, but I know that no matter what, the end result would be out of my hands.

I'm not sure what we're going to do next. We have no embryos left and we don't have the money to pay for another IVF. I know that we won't completely give up on having another child, I'm just not sure how that will happen.

Sad, but mostly grateful.

Update: I got a call from the nurse today. I mentioned to her that I've been having cramps for the past few days. I thought I was getting cysts from the meds (could still be possible), but she said it is likely due to the fact that AF is on her way. Great. So that's that...it is confirmed that our FET was a BFN.

Hope...hanging by a thread

If you are visiting from ICLW, welcome and thanks for stopping by. Sorry this post isn't going to sound very optimistic.

I am currently 8 days past our 5 day transfer (frozen embryo from our 2012 IVF). The embryo was rated by our clinic as a 3BB, which is apparently pretty average. I have not POAS and I'm honestly just plain terrified. I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst, but also hope for the best. It's nothing but a mind game. The google devil doesn't help, and I'm glad I have stopped googling for a few days now. I feel things, I'm just not sure they are pregnancy things.

Just because I started keeping track of symptoms, here is the list I've noted for 5dp5dt -7dp5dt (I'll tell you this, it's not very exciting):

5dp5dt

•  smells seemed stronger

6dp5dt

• nothing

7dp5dt

• dizzy
• aversion to Lasagna for dinner.
• Dreamt that a child from the Duggar Family (family in the US that has 19 kids) was given to me as a consolation prize for getting a BFN. WTH?

So far, my list looks hopeful, but one thing that keeps me thinking that this did not work, is that I'm not really waking up in the middle of the night to pee. With my first IVF fresh transfer, I noticed I was getting up at 2 am to use the bathroom the night after the transfer and we ended up getting a BFP. Why am I basing everything on this one thing? I have no idea. Some moments in the day, I feel tugging, I feel a heaviness in my uterus, I feel something going on. Then other moments, everything is gone. Ahhhh!!!

I'm trying to prepare myself for a negative in case that happens. I'm not motivated to do anything or go anywhere until I find out. I feel like I'm just sitting around waiting and waiting for the time to pass. I'm not enjoying every moment of the day. I feel anxious and scared. What will happen if this doesn't work? Will we one day be able to add to our family? At the same time I feel extremely fortunate that we have our son. That through years of trying, our first IVF was successful and we brought home an amazing person. You would think that that would make me feel better. Maybe feel complete, but it doesn't. Infertility sticks around, and you try to fight it even more the second time around. You know how great is it to finally feel like you defeated IF, but then you find yourself back to the same place. Hopeful, then scared, then angry, then anxious... and back to hopeful.

Beta is tomorrow.

AHHH! (and I'm back at 'scared').

Feelings/symptoms 1dp5dt-4dp5dt

I'll try my best to post how I'm feeling during my 9 day wait until beta. I think I'm probably imagining most of the symptoms though. At this point, I'm not sure what is real and what I'm just hoping for. My mind is playing games on me, as it always does when I'm awaiting a beta.

Here are the days so far -

1dp5dt

• Exhausted from traveling
• Migraine - vomit, pain, couldn't eat for 24 hours. Ended up sleeping 12 hours to get rid of the pain. Migraines are pretty common for me at least 1 a month, so I'm not sure I can count this as a 'symptom' 
• Weird dreams - dreamt that for some reason, DH had left a fish fillet in the shower and I discovered it days later after the smell took over our house. Where the heck did that dream come from? 

2dp5dt

• Headache
• Nauseous
• Dizzy
• Weird dreams -  I dreamt that a high school friend was really rude to me when I asked for her help with something. When I woke up I was so mad and really wanted to delete her from my FB friends list. I don't really keep in touch with this person. Don't think I've talked to her since hs, so I have no idea where that came from. Very strange.
• Tightness in cervix area - I noticed this while inserting the Crinone applicator

3dp5dt

• Bloated
• Maybe crampy?
• A slight tinge of heartburn - again, maybe this one is a big imagined one
• Smells - my husband was eating tuna from a can for dinner and it really grossed me out.
• Tightness in cervix area, overall, just feels strange

4dp5dt

• Emotional, feeling sad
• Slight cramping
• Diarrhea
• Smells bothered me a bit
• Tiny little brown spot on panty liner - I have no idea what this was, but I'm hoping it's not AF making it's way here

So that's what I've noted so far. I'm not feeling very optimistic today. I can't really explain why. Maybe all the googling of symptoms? Why, oh why do I torture myself? IF has officially made me crazy...

Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET), CD 26

I flew up to Boston a couple of days before the transfer just in case there were flight delays and also to get situated with accommodations and transportation. It felt very strange to leave my 20-month-old (miracle from IVF #1) for the very first time overnight. I was sad about it, but I knew that my DH would take great care of him and that they were going to have a good time together. By the time I got to Boston, I felt very relaxed about everything. I wasn't stressed out about anything. Which is very rare for me. I usually panic and freakout. The day before the transfer, I had time to walk around, shop and visit with friends. It was sort of like a mini-vacation to my old neck of the woods.

The night before the transfer I had a good night's rest, but found myself a bit lost when I didn't have my son waking me up in the morning. It was strange, but very nice ;) I had a simple and delicious breakfast, showered, and started my trek to the clinic. It was located about 15 miles from where I was staying, so I decided to get there early in case there was any paperwork or last minute items I need to take care of. I also had a pre and post acupuncture session scheduled. Thankfully, my clinic offers these at their location, so that was convenient. I made sure to stay hydrated because my bladder needed to be full for the transfer.

About an hour before my transfer, I had a relaxing acupuncture session. I was extremely relaxed that I almost fell asleep. Before the session, the acupuncturist asked me to tell her how stressed I was on a scale from 1-10 (10 being the most stressed out). I told her a 2 - that's truly how I felt! Again, this is very rare for me. Everything seemed to be going very smoothly - from my flight there, to my accommodations, to my transport to the clinic. I was sort of waiting for something to screw it all up, because something always does, but that never happened. The acupuncturist checked my pulse after the session and said it was fantastic. That was encouraging.

After the pre acupuncture session, I return to the waiting room. I waited about 15 minutes before being called back for the transfer. Then I was given a gown, hair net, and disposable socks. A few minutes after that, a nurse went over some paperwork for me to sign, then my doctor came over to go over what I should expect during the transfer. He told me the grade of my embryo -  a 3BB. My clinic rates them from 1-4, so a 4AA is the best. He said when the embryo was frozen it was at a 3BB and it was a good sign that it was the same after thawing. A 3BB is pretty average, I suppose.

I was taken back to the OR, positioned, shown a picture of my embryo on a big screen next to my name and DOB. The doctor said my lining looked fantastic (there's that word again), a catheter was inserted, the embryologist came over and very slowly placed the embryo in the catheter. He said I had done a great job keeping my bladder full. I got to see a tiny glimpse on the ultrasound machine. I was a bit overwhelmed with how quick it all was. That was it. Within 10 minutes, my embryo was now where it needed to be after almost 2.5 years of being frozen. My doctor said ..."that is the best transfer I've seen all week. No! It's the best I've seen all year!" That was nice to hear, but deep down inside I wondered if he said that to all his patients. Maybe something he says for them to have hope. Who knows? I thanked him, the nurses, the embryologist, and then changed back into my clothes.

After the transfer, I went back to the acupuncture center next door for my post session. The acupuncturist was a little surprised to see me back so soon. For the next 30 minutes I relaxed with needles in different places and drifted in and out of sleep. Again, super relaxed. Oh, for the post-session I was instructed to get on my back, and needles were placed on my front side. (For the pre-session, I was face down and needles were placed on my backside). The acupuncturist checked my pulse at the end and once again commented on how great it was. I thanked her and headed on my way to find something to eat. All in all, the transfer was very easy and everything went smoothly. I enjoyed the rest of the afternoon walking around town and shopping. I thought about going back to my hotel and not doing anything, but also felt like I should take advantage of my time in Boston.

The night of the transfer, I tried to go to bed early but had a hard time falling asleep. I think I finally fell asleep around 1:00 am and had to be up by 5:00am to catch my flight back home. Needless to say, I was exhausted on my flights home. When I finally got home, it was back on Mommy duty and didn't have much time to rest or take a breath. Went straight to playing and caring for my son while DH headed to meetings. After a few hours, I could feel the beginning stages of a migraine. I sort of suspected it was going to be bad, but didn't realize how bad. About four hours after getting home, I had to call DH and asked if he could please come home and take over bath time and bed time. I think it was around 7pm. At this point I was puking my breakfast (didn't have lunch), as well as just fluid. When he got home, I went straight to bed. I'm not sure when I fell asleep, but did feel much better and got out of bed around 8:30 am. So very thankful for my awesome husband for taking charge again after being alone with our son for four days.

So that's that. My embie is now with me. Praying that it will stick! Now we are on the 9 day wait until Beta.

Notes

• Still on Estrace (2x a day) and Vivelle Dot (every 3 days), as well as Crinone (2x a day).
• Transfer was on CD26, which is around the time I normally get AF. I was a bit worried about this, but apparently the meds are helping control my cycle
• I thought I would also mention this - my frozen embryo was in Boston because we lived there for several years and ended up doing our fresh IVF cycle there in 2012.

Here is a picture of my 3BB embryo

Cycle Day 21

Today is CD21 and I was scheduled for a blood draw to determine if my lining looks good enough for the FET on Tuesday.

I received my results this afternoon, and looks like we are good to go!!! I'm very excited. My progesterone was 0.3 and my lining was 11.7. The nurse said that they like to see above a 7 for the lining, so this was good to hear. 

I have my plane tickets all ready, but I was waiting for the blood work to come back before I booked my hotel accommodations, so I'll be busy doing that tonight. I'll head up to Boston (2,000 miles from home) this weekend and will return with my only snow embie. Even if it doesn't stick at least I know it will be with me...<---- that's me trying to stay positive.

Other notes -
I've been on Estrace and the Vivelle dot (patch) since CD2. Added Crinone suppositories (progesterone) today. 

Hope for FET

I've had a hard time lately trying to think of what to write. Sometimes I feel like if I don't talk about something that I'm constantly thinking about - something big, something important to me - that maybe it will come true or be fulfilled. Does that sound weird? That perhaps I'll jinx it if I talk about it too much. I'm not sure. I like to try to put it in the back of my mind in case things don't turn out the way I hope they will.

We are here. In FET land now. This time around our health insurance sucks and we will have to pay for most of it out-of-pocket. Including medicines, ultrasounds, blood work, airfare (Texas to Massachusetts), lodging, rental car, and food - the total comes out to about $5,500 (USD). That's a lot of money for us right now.  I know it's still not as much as a fresh IVF cycle would have cost (maybe around $15,000), but $5k in one month is a ton! Last time, our insurance paid for ALL of it. We were so fortunate.  So, as a family, we've decided that I would go alone. My DH will stay home with our toddler (almost 20 months old, IVF miracle) and I will head to Boston for the FET. At first I was sad and upset about having to go alone, but now I'm thinking it will be a great opportunity to relax and have some time to myself. I have never left my son overnight since he was born. Can you believe it?! I think it'll end up being okay.

Thankfully there are no shots involved this time. Only the estrogen meds - Estrace and Vivelle Dop (patch). It seems pretty low key compared to all the shots and prep that IVF required. Today is CD16 and I've been on the meds since CD2. The only major side effect I've had was total lack of motivation the first week. I only wanted to sit on the couch and watch TV, which is terrible considering my son is with me all day. Things have gotten better though, and I've actually gotten over that hump.

I have an u/s and b/w next week to determine if my lining has reached the acceptable degree for FET, and then five days later we will do the transfer. For my IVF, we transferred two 3-day embryos on CD 16, this time it will be one 5-day embryo (the only one we have) on CD26. I'm a little worried about the timing, but the nurse assured me that they've done transfers that late in a cycle before. I'll start progesterone suppositories (Crinone) the day of the u/s depending on if my lining has reached a good point. I bought refundable plane tickets in case the FET has to be cancelled or changed. Hoping that won't be the case.

So that's where I am right now. Trying really hard to hold on to hope, but also don't want to get my hopes up in case it doesn't work out. This is our last and only shot at another baby. Things could change in a few years, but right now we can't afford another round of IVF and I don't think I'm strong enough emotionally to go through another retrieval. That, of course, is what I say now. But I also know that things could change...

Almost 2 years later!

Hello there... (If there's anyone still there) -

I can't believe how long it's been since I've been here. So much has happened! I've thought about this space and tried so many times to come back and write, but just could.not.find.the.time. I was extremely overwhelmed at the end of my pregnancy with work and then quickly transitioned to my new role as a mom. Never thought I'd actually become a mother. All of that took over my life and has since kept me really busy. I'm amazed at all the people that are able to continue blogging after having a baby! When I have a little bit of free time, all I want to do is sit, watch stupid TV and maybe have a glass of wine :)

I'm very grateful for everything that has happened in the last two years, and I hope that others are encouraged when they read my story.

A short update - 
My beautiful miracle son was born in November 2012. Out of two embryos transferred in February 2012, one made it and is here on earth. I still can't quite believe it. He came when I was 39 weeks, 6 days pregnant. Right on time. Perfect little boy. He's now 19 months, full of energy and lights up my world every day. He has never been sick (*knock on wood*), and is just completely healthy. I'm still in disbelief that this person is mine. Part of me and my sweet husband.

The next step for our family is to attempt to add another branch to our family tree. That's right, we're trying for #2! We've been trying on our own since I stopped breastfeeding 6 months ago. We hang on to hope that maybe, just maybe it'll happen without assistance. But we are also realistic. In early 2012, out of our 11 embryos, only one made it to freezing. We're scheduled to start meds as soon as CD1 arrives (in a couple of weeks), and hopefully all will go well enough to transfer our snow embie in early July. Praying for a miracle.

Still holding my breath...

Four months since my last post - I can't believe it! I've been extremely busy with work and haven't had much time to blog.

Things are still setting in that our 1st IVF cycle actually worked.  I am 23 weeks now and feeling great. I haven't had any common pregnancy symptoms, except the following -

- get up in the middle of the night to pee
- hungry all the time
- a little trouble sleeping

I feel like I've been holding my breath since the day we got our BFP.  I'll probably feel this way until I'm finally holding our little baby in my arms. Countdown is 4 months :)

symptoms, where are you?

According to my 'what to expect' app on my iphone, I am currently 6 weeks 5 days pregnant. I've been searching for symptoms since the day after transfer. Each day that passed, I thought I felt twinges, stretching, etc. But in reality, I didn't feel anything. I felt and have felt (for the most part), very normal. I could almost say that I feel better than normal. Maybe being pregnant has finally stabilized my hormones or something because I feel better than pre-pregnancy. My mother-in-law once told me that when she was pregnant with DH, she felt amazing. Maybe I'll be the same? But deep down I'm begging for symptoms! Symptoms will let me know that baby is indeed still there. That baby is growing and using my body for support. 


Here are a few 'symptoms', if I can call them that, that I've experienced -  

• I haven't really been interested in inter.course. DH and I did the deed the night before our beta. It felt like things were pretty tight up there and it was pretty painful for me. Poor DH, he also has his needs...ha. Since then we decided to use lubri.cated con.doms to help. It was quite hilarious embarrassing purchasing con.doms and a box of pregnancy tests at the pharmacy. I wonder what the cashier was thinking? Oh well.
• As far as my CM, well it's been increasingly watery (but dry during inter.course). I have to wear a panty liner everyday and change it about three times a day. In the first few weeks after our BFP, my CM was sort of smelly, but that has since gone away.
• more TMI - instead of being constipated, I've actually had to go to the bathroom about three times a day. Not diarrhea, just normal BM. Very strange.
• I haven't noticed that my bo.obs are bigger, only that my nip.ples look different. The little bumps around the nip.ple have increased, but other than that they don't hurt much. 
• One of the first clues was that my temperature stayed above 98°F, which has never happened to me 11dpo. I continued to take my temp for a couple of weeks after our BFP, you know, because I'm the insane Infertile...
• The day after 3dt, I began Crin.one 8% (progest.erone), and that's when the acne began. I can't really say this has been a symptom - I think it's mostly due to the progest.erone.
• I didn't used to have to get out of bed in the middle of the night to pee, and that has become a daily thing now.
• Almost everyday, I tell DH that I'm worried it's not true, that I'm not really pregnant. I tell him that I have no symptoms and he disagrees. He says "first of all, yesterday you wanted to eat Lo Mein noodles, which you don't really like." I didn't really think about it much, just suddenly started thinking about Lo Mein. So we went out and had Chinese food for dinner. Today after work I couldn't stop thinking about cupcakes. I finally got one during our trip to the grocery store. Again, I don't know if this is just all in my head. DH thinks it's weird and believes it's a symptom.
• Lately I have had some food aversions - I normally absolutely love chocolate, but haven't really wanted any in the last few weeks. I read that pregnant women usually crave it, so again, I'm the strange one I suppose.  Last week I really wanted carrots and hummus, so out we went to the grocery store. I had this as a snack at work for about a day. A day - because that's how long that craving lasted. I now can't stand raw carrots or hummus. Also, DH was cooking fish the other day, and the house smelled disgusting. Well, to me it smelled awful. Since then I haven't wanted fish.
• Tired - I have been tired lately, but I don't know if it's due to the fact that I have cut out drinking coffee in the morning. Who knows?

So there you have it, not the typical pregnancy symptoms, but I guess they're "my" unique symptoms. With all three of my medicated IUIs I had more normal symptoms (twinges, moodiness, sore breasts, tired, etc). I'm still praying that I'll have a few more concrete clues that there's a baby growing in there. 

A heartbeat

This morning DH and I headed to the clinic bright and early. We didn't know what to expect, but we kept praying that we would at least see ONE heartbeat. To ease our nerves, we started going through names on my iphone baby names app.  It helped distract us and turned out to be quite amusing. I think we're going to have a tough time deciding on a name, but fortunately, we have some time. Well, hopefully... :-/

Once at the clinic, the nurse inserted the dildocam and within a few seconds found a little heartbeat! A heartbeat! We were both in total and complete awe. We got to see it flicker on the screen for a few minutes (I wish it could have been longer!) and then the nurse measured the baby & heartbeat. The baby is measuring 6 weeks 2 days, about two days behind of what we thought, but the nurse said it was nothing to worry about... but, of course, I worry.  The heartbeat was nice and strong, so that was very reassuring. The baby looked so tiny on the screen and looked like it was just cozily tucked away on one side of my uterus.  I think it's arms are still forming, but in the picture the nurse gave us, it looks like there's a little arm waving... at least, that's what I like to think :)

On the flip side, the nurse found a fibroid in my uterus & could see cysts in one of my ovaries. She said that both fibroid and cysts should go away on their own, but I will be monitored in two weeks to make sure things still look okay.

During dinner tonight, DH blessed our food and in his prayer he thank God for the precious miracle of our tiny little baby.  I can not even express how happy it makes me feel to see him so excited. It warms every inch of my heart.

We only got to keep one picture of our baby, it's not the best, but it's our very first. Here are two views of the same picture -

The baby is the little blob on the left side of the picture. That tiny little thing!

We go back in about 2 weeks for another ultrasound.  At that point, the RE will decide if we can graduate to the OB/GYN. Woohoo!

Praying that our tiny little one continues to grow. Thank you for your messages and twitter comments. I couldn't have made it this far without your love and support.

Cycle #31... our news (11dp3dt)

This morning I woke up, POAS and hid it under the bathroom sink.  I decided I would leave it there ALL day long and not look at it until after work.  I headed to the RE clinic around 6:30 am, once there I got my blood drawn, then headed home to shower and get ready for work. I was pretty much at peace about everything - I don't really know why. That peace made me have the self control to not look at the stick in the bathroom.

Fortunately, I was very busy at work today.  I didn't have much time to really think about the enormity of today.  In the afternoon, I noticed that the RE's office had called and left a message.  I was too scared and nervous to listen, plus I wanted to listen to the news with DH.

After work, I walked my dog, ate a snack and waited another hour and a half for DH to get home.  Once he arrived, we headed straight to the bathroom together. I reached under the sink for the stick... from afar I only saw one line (the control line)... then, as I got closer, I saw it.... I saw that 2nd line!  I showed it to DH, he looked at it confused (he really didn't know what to look for - poor guy, he's not as obsessed with staring at pee sticks as I am).  

Here's what we got:

Not the darkest line, but more than I've ever seen!

After I collected myself, we listened to the message from the RE's office.  The nurse started off in a somber tone, nonchalant, and neutral. Her tone stayed the same as she uttered the words "Congratulations, your blood test was positive." Absolutely no excitement in her voice.  She totally failed the 'tell-the-infertile-she's-pregnant test." 

So, it's confirmed, we are pregnant!!! DH and I are both in complete and total shock.  We've NEVER seen a BFP. Here we are, after 31 cycles of TTC (including 3 medicated IUIs), our 1st IVF finally gave us a positive.

I haven't had any symptoms per se - my boobs look different and I've noticed that my temperature has stayed at 98°F and not dropped like it usually does around this time of the month.

We were told to schedule a prenatal visit for 2 weeks from now... so once again, we're in another kind of 2ww, but I like this one much better...ha.  I was also instructed to continue with Crinone 8% (progesterone) for a while.

Please join me in praying for baby(ies), that they continue to grow and make their home in my womb.

Thank you all for your encouragement, prayers, and thoughtful words! 

2ww - 9dp3dt

I feel back to normal.  The night after my retrieval I woke up in great pain.  I had massive cramps and almost fainted and came close to vomiting in the bathroom.  DH came to my rescue wondering if he should fill my prescription of Vicodin for my pain.

I decided to drink more water and take more Tylenol.  I got back in bed, and after some shivering, I was somehow able to fall back asleep.  In the morning, I felt like my insides were on fire, and every time I moved, my abdomen hurt like hell.

I came very close to calling in to work, but I had several important meetings scheduled, so I decided to try to brave it. In the end, I was able to make it all day without calling it quits.  However, when I got home, I crashed pretty early.

The next day, I felt like I was back to myself.  I've been weighing myself daily and drinking lots of water to prevent OHSS.  Everything seems to be okay.

The 2ww hasn't been too bad this time around. Perhaps because I've been really busy with work. I'm anxious and nervous about Tuesday (Mar. 6) - the day of my beta.  2 more days!!! I've wondered if I should do a HPT before finding out the results, but I'm scared.

I've thought about it and have decided to POAS in the morning before my beta, but not look at the test.  Head to work after going to the clinic, come home, look at the HPT, and then listen to my voicemail with the news of either 'negative' or 'positive.'  I don't want to find out from the nurse first, but I want to have both bases covered. DH thinks I'm insane (IF has kinda made me that way), but I think this way will be better for me emotionally.  I've seen and heard too many negatives; I'm just trying to play it safe.  I don't want to find out at work, because either way (- or +), it will be hard for me to concentrate.  Waiting until after work, gives me enough time to process everything and talk it out with DH.

So that's the plan!

Hoping and praying our embies are still in there growing.

Day-5

After our transfer on Friday, the doctor asked if we would like to allow the remaining 11 embryos to grow until Day 5 to see if any can be frozen. We, of course, said yes.

Today, we received a call from the nurse, and were told that out of the 11, only 1 made it to freeze.  The rest didn't grow enough and arrested. I'm pretty sad, but I have hope that that lonely embryo could one day make it to transfer... well, at least I pray that it makes it...

In the meantime, I wait and pray that our two embryos are currently making my uterus their abode.  Please embies, make yourself at home!!!

Day-3 Transfer

On Friday, CD16, I went in with a full bladder for our transfer.  

It was probably the best part of IVF that I've experienced so far. 

Our clinic had 8 transfers scheduled for that day, and we were the very first ones. I was asked to change into a hospital gown, hair net, and socks.  DH was given scrubs and asked to put them over his clothes, along with a hair net, and shoe covers.  We went back to the OR, where I had my retrieval - it's a pretty creepy place if you ask me - and I was instructed by a nurse on how to position myself. 

Our two little embies were displayed on a big monitor with my name and birthdate. Amazing little things! Then, the doc put in the catheter, tested it out on the ultrasound, and then another embryologist brought our embryos and shot them into the catheter.  

The coolest thing happened next - we saw a bright little star shine across the screen! Like a shooting star in the sky.  DH was holding my hand the whole time - he was smiling ear-to-ear after he saw our shooting star.  It was the first time in this IF rollercoaster that I saw his emotions take true hold of him.  I wish we could have watched our embies some more, but before I knew it, we were being rushed out of the OR. I guess other couples were waiting to see their shooting stars too... We were then handed a picture of our embryos.  

Introducing, Embryo Cuatro and Embryo Siete :)

On the left - 4 cell, 3 grade embryo... On the right - 7 cell, 3 grade embryo... I fell in love!

Apparently there are different ways of grading embryos - our clinic grades 1-4, with 4 being the highest, so these two were the highest grade I had.  The 11 others were not the best, and our doctor gave us the option to wait and see how they grow up until Day 5 before being able to tell if they would make it to freeze.

Right now, I'm praying that our two embies are settling well into my uterus. That they'll implant and turn into a beautiful combination of us. I can't stop looking at this picture - I'm in awe that we at least get to see what our DNA looks like combined :)

Fert report

The nurse from our RE clinic called to let us know that we have 13 fertilized eggs! We have 13 embryos!!!

I'm very happy that at least we know we can fertilize :).  Now we wait and see how many continue to grow and hope we have two good ones for our 3-day transfer on Friday.

Retrieval

Today is CD12.  We woke up at around 8:30 am, showered, *DH produced his part of the deal*, and we headed off to the clinic. Once there we delivered DH's part and waited in the lobby to be called in for my retrieval.

At around 10:15 am, I was called back to the nurses station and asked to changed into a hospital gown, put a hairnet on, and warm socks. DH accompanied me most of the time. The nurse checked my heart rate, and took my temperature, then she explained what I should be expecting.  I wasn't allowed to wear make-up, earrings, or anything in my hair (like a hairband), or even contact lenses, so I'm pretty sure I looked terrible. This was no fashion show, for sure! ha...

Then came the anesthesiologist and asked a few questions - do I normally get seasick or carsick, allergies, etc. Out of everyone I'd met, he was NOT the warmest fellow - everything seemed kinda mundane to him; he was so nonchalant.  He inserted the IV - I'm not a huge fan of needles, but I've gotten semi used to them since having to give myself injections - I just looked away for a minute and it was all done!  I'm sure the anesthesiologist does this so much that he actually figured out how to put an IV in without causing pain... actually, I'm sure he has and I'm glad there was no pain.

At about 10:45 am, I gave DH a kiss and I was led by a nurse to the OR.  I've never been in an OR before, only seen them on TV, so I thought it was really creepy.  The nurse instructed me on how to get on the operating table, she provided a warm blanket, and then helped me get my legs in two hanging stirrups. I looked pretty silly with my legs hanging, but everyone in the OR (nurses, anesthesiologist, embryologist) acted completely normal... I guess they do many retrievals, that seeing my legs hanging from some pretty crazy stirrups doesn't faze them anymore.

I think I was lying down for about 3 minutes, when the anesthesiologist said I would feel a little sting in my arm.  At that moment I remember thinking "Okay, I'll pray now"... and the next thing I know I'm waking up in the recovery area sitting in a recliner all bundled up with blankets.  There was a clock in front of me on the wall, the time read 11:09 am. I felt really sleepy. A nurse came by and asked how I was feeling, and apparently (she told me later) I said that I was tired and fell asleep again. I woke up at about 11:40 am and remembered the embryologist coming by to tell me he had retrieved 21 eggs. I guess I was pretty groggy when he came by because I thought he told me that in a dream.  The nurse came by and confirmed that indeed we had 21 eggs.

I think it's interesting that we had 21 eggs retrieved on Feb. 21, 2012. Hmmm.... hope this means good luck :)

At about 11:45 am, DH was called from the lobby and joined me in the recovery area as I devoured some animal crackers and ginger-ale that the nurse had given me.  I was so hungry!

Once I was feeling completely back to normal, one of the nurses handed me my bag of clothes and led me to the bathroom, where I changed.

At about 12:15 pm, DH got the car and drove it to the pick-up area (which was in the back of the clinic). The nurse helped me out and we were off... next stop... Burger King! haha... I was starving and for some reason really wanted Burger King.  I'm not sure why. I'm not a huge fan of fast food, but I was craving it like a madwoman!

After lunch, we arrive home around 1:00 pm.  I rested on the couch for seven hours with my gallon of water next to me, finished a book, and watched some reality TV.  I was feeling okay, but did start feeling quite a bit of discomfort on hour #4 or so. I took some Tylenol, which seemed to relieve most of the pain.

I'm off to bed at 9:00 pm. Tomorrow I'm dreading going back to work. I wish I could have taken more time off, but I just started a new job, and we've kept our IVF completely private from my employer.

Good night everyone! Tonight I pray that we have a good fertilization report.

Monitoring

So far, monitoring has been as follows:

CD6 blood work & ultrasound: things looking good
CD9 blood work & ultrasound: follies growing
CD10 blood work & ultrasound: 17 measurable follicles, Ovidrel trigger shot at 11:00 pm

One.step.closer.

Tomorrow is retrieval and I am so nervous! I've never been under anesthesia, so this is quite scary for me.  I'm not sure what to expect, and hope that everything goes smoothly. I was told not to eat or drink anything after midnight tonight.  We have to be at the clinic at 10:00 am before surgery.  Headed to bed - going to try to get as much sleep as possible.

Prayers are appreciated.

I never thought I would be this excited about AF's arrival

This is probably the only time, since I can remember, that I was looking forward to AF's arrival.  It means I start stimulating hormones in a few days so that my follies can grow for our first IVF cycle.  It's cycle #31 of trying to conceive - I've said this before, but I hope this is the one!